I feel like other people have given you some pretty sound advice on most of this and how to handle it going forward, but I think you struck a chord here. It is not appropriate, in my mind, to have photographs of your deceased ex girlfriend in the living room you share with your husband. I wouldn't be okay with it. I think if the roles were reversed, you might not be ok with it either. It's one thing if it was just a friend, but a lover is something else entirely and I am almost certain that your husband feels like you've never moved on all the way. The swing, the photos, the birthday dinners. All of it sounds like you still have a connection to an ex. I understand it's different because she's deceased, but I know that it would irk me if I was in your husband's position. This is no way justifies or excuses his actions. What he did was very cruel and outright mean to you, and I think he could have handled it much better, but I can understand his motivations. I hope you guys sort through this and that you have a more open discourse rather than allowing things to build until they're at critical mass.