I'm going to say I don't feel you answered my question, and you don't have to here. But do you feel that he knows he hurt you and regrets this and hasn't done anything like this since? If you believe he knows and cares that he hurt you, then it's easier to believe that you didn't deserve to be judged in that manner. Also, it sounds like he's still maturing and possibly doesn't know how to man up in a way that shows he is remorseful. Lastly, if you've been dwelling on this for a while now, it's going to take a lot of willpower on your part to not let this pop into your head and ruin your day. I've been in a similar boat and I know how quickly a thought can turn into an emotional backslide. You have to stop yourself from going down that thought-path and find something to do that adds value to your life. Basically, you're reprogramming yourself. This may sound silly, but when I found myself beginning to worry/slip/dwell, I starting thinking (then sometimes saying aloud) "Up and Out." UP and OUT. Up: Rise above the quicksand of negativity that's about to suck me and and get OUT of that place, OUT of that state of mind. Up and out.

Remember this- to forgive someone for hurting us is one thing. To trust them again is another. Trust and forgiveness are both gifts, but only forgiveness can be given freely. Trust has to be earned. What do you need from him to be able to trust that he is honest about his feelings for you? Is it something that he can provide, or is it something you have to find within yourself? If your confidence is a factor, be objective and acknowledge that, and look for ways to improve your self-esteem. If you're still hurting, and you don't want to keep addressing this with him because you don't want to make him feel that you haven't forgiven him, that says you can understand that he made a mistake and would take it all back if he could, that he wasn't in a good place when he was thinking those things, and that even people we love and respect make bad decisions. And because of their proximity to our hearts, they hurt us more than some random jerk would.

Then again, if you're still doubtful of his feelings after all this time, maybe you're onto something. But first weed out everything else that might be interfering with your intuition. Here's to you learning this 15 years sooner than I did.