Dear OP, I don't know what possessed me to look for hurting souls on Reddit, but lo and behold I found your story.
I just celebrated my 1 year anniversary on Wednesday (so bear in mind that most recovering addicts in "early recovery" tend to be on the high and mighty side. But I've been told I give good advice, and I can feel your pain deeply because I put my family and friends through the exact shit that you're feeling). I was a hopeless addict to my drug or choice for the last 5 years. In which time I was dumbfounded at how quickly I could lose everything. All I can give is my story of how my life used to be, what made me change, and how my life is now.. I'm sorry but there's only so much a guy on Reddit can do.
I started using drugs when I was 19. Before that point, it wasn't like I dreamed as a little kid telling myself, "When I grow up I want to be a drug addict!". It was actually the exact opposite. I grew up on a farm, was raised Christian, and lived a perfectly normal sheltered life. There were no talks about why I shouldn't try drugs, or how I would throw my life away if I started. If you told my parents that I would grow up to be addicted to drugs, they would laugh and say "Oh our little Jeffy would never do that. He's a good boy". I got good grades, all my teachers loved me, hell when I graduated I even joined the military. After I finished with my training, I started going to college, where I soon realized all the "cool people" were doing drugs and skipping class. It started off harmless a little weed here, a drunken night there. And all was okay until I broke up with my girlfriend after dating for 4 years, I was going to marry this woman.
Before I knew it there wasn't a moment where I was not drunk or high. I just didn't want to "feel" any more. I failed out of all my classes, became more depressed each day, and became this shell of a human being. My friends must've tried 7 different serious interventions, (one of those I was rolling balls on Acid). After awhile they couldn't see me destroy everything good about my life. Fast forward 2 suicide attempts, a lot of sleeping around, and couch surfing for 2 years. Came the night of Oct 21st where I was black out drunk. I decided to steal my sister in law's bottle of hydros. They were weak but I needed something to not feel dope sick. My brother called the cops (because my family was more than done with me at that point). And instead of being arrested for 4 felonis. I ran for it, driving 80 mph down the highway looking for a semi to crash into. I called my family telling them goodbye, but I had used the suicide excuse too many times, so they either didn't care, or they didn't believe me. Well before I drove into a semi, I heard my mom's voice in my head telling me. "Gee you never take responsibility for anything now do you?" That was it I stopped my car and balled like a baby. I turned myself in, was arrested, and checked into rehab. It was excruciating living through all the wreckage I'd caused. After treatment I went to an outpatient where I received counseling and random UAs. I stuck it out because I wanted the courts to go easy on me. And before I knew it I had 90 days clean. After that, I knew that I could keep it up, then 6 months came, then 9 months. The court dropped all the charges because I had turned my life around so quickly. I kept a job down, moved into an apartment. I was finally thinking clearly for the first time in years, I became human again. A term that was lost to me after lots of drug dealing, ect..
My life now is like living a dream, someone else's life. I can't even imagine being in those shoes again, staring at the wall. Nodding off, just begging to be put out of my misery. My life is actually something worth living for, the people in my life.. Have been so forgiving. I can honestly say my best day loaded doesn't even come close to my worst day sober. Tell him that I'm not the first and I surely won't be the last to say, that there is another way out beside suicide or putting drugs into your body. All that pain? Was worth the happiness and clarity I feel today. People actually want me around instead of blowing me off, saying "I just bring around a cloud of doom and gloom wherever I go".
The people in our lives during active addiction are put through so much more shit than the addict ever feels. And that's something you can never wrap your head around if you're high. If he cares about you or his unborn child, anywhere in his soul. Then he will go to rehab, it hardly ever works, but it did for me.