From what I can tell, my experience wasn’t identical to yours, but it was close enough that reading this has me feeling like I have a toddler sitting on my chest. It was all a while ago for me now so it’s not as bad as it used to be, but hell if I don’t remember perfectly how badly it burned those first few days/weeks… and remembering all that, I am so sorry for what you’re going through. Normally, I wouldn’t post anything resembling advice about this kind of thing—any kind of “It’s for the best” or “It gets better” kind of line that’s true but pretty damn useless until you’re already out of the woods— because I figure that the person has heard it all and knows it all already, and I’m sure you do. So instead, I just want to share with you a thought or two that helped me on the off chance they might help you at some point, even if it’s no day soon.

When it falls apart like this, separating being the best/only option for people in love, it’s a shitty way to end a love story, for lack of better words. Right when it’s over, the shit-ending might be the thing you focus on. You might want to do all that “remember the good and smile because it happened” kind of stuff, but the ending is just too fresh. And that’s okay for a while but, in such circumstances, it might be best to try to see the story as more than just a bunch of memories.

Your first, true love is the one that proves to you that love exists. It may define or redefine what love is for you or what your ideal relationship might be. It proves to you that you can be loved and it shows you how wonderful that feels. But perhaps even more importantly, first love proves to yourself that you have the capacity to truly love someone else. These are all such important, beautiful things to know and feel good about while moving forward with the rest of your life. I’m sure the relationship left you with some wonderful memories, but if those are too hard to look back on right now, maybe take comfort in what it all proved to you.

For me, it still hurts a bit to think about how it all ended. Maybe that’ll be true for you or maybe it won’t when you’re as far out as I am. But regardless, even back when my first instinct was to dwell on the ending, reminding myself to instead remember what it all proved to me (and, eventually, remember the good times in detail) has often brought me the peace I've needed to move on with my life when all I could think about was how I wished the story hadn’t ended. I sincerely hope you manage find some peace too.