I'm right there with you.
I have had absolutely horrible allergies all my life. When I was younger/a teenager, in the summer I could hardly be outside. Anyways, that has somewhat subsided, but now for about the past 2 years, I have had constant nasal blockage. It's more so in the right nostril than the left, but it's horrible. About 2 months after it started, when medicines did nothing, I started using nasal spray. Since then, I have at least been able to unclog my nostrils with that.
For about 6 months I only had to use the nasal spray twice a day. Then, it went to three times a day. Then four. Now I'd say I use it about every 4 or 5 hours. If I don't, my nose gets completely clogged, to the point where I can't even put the nasal spray in because I can't inhale at all though my nose. At night I wake up about every 3 hours and have to put more in. If I don't, I can't sleep because I have to have my mouth wide open to breathe.
Everybody says "blah blah you get addicted to the nasal spray and then you need it", well yeah, now, that is probably the case. But I have stopped using the spray for over a month, and nothing changed. Still completely clogged.
When the beginning of the year rolled around, I was looking forward to getting health insurance so I could finally get whatever this is taken care of - I'm sure I'll need surgery. But, my health insurance documents never came in the mail. Keep in mind I started this new job the middle of last year. Previously, I was unemployed and had literally nothing going for me.
The documents never came. People at work were talking about getting theirs, so I emailed HR, requesting the paperwork. I got an email back saying "sorry, open enrollment is closed, has been since December." I just about lost it. I never received the documents and now you're telling me that I have to deal with this shit for another year? I work for a small company who was recently bought out by a major corporation. The major corporation has slowly been taking control of the money, accounts, payroll, etc. They do everything by SOP and when something deviates from SOP, they have zero idea what to do. Not to mention all of our benefits got transferred over to them, and they have ridiculous policies with stuff. At first, our company gave sick time after 90 days of employment. I had some built up, but then all of a sudden, it stopped. So I emailed to find out what was going on. Well, the major company's policy is that you start acquiring sick time after 80 weeks of full time employment. 80 fucking weeks. So then, they tell me that they have to remove my accumulated time from before. I was irate. I should have never said anything and they'd have never known.
The inability to get treated due to insurance and the fact that I can't breathe and have to constantly use spray is literally making me think about suicide. It's that bad. Aside from that, compared to where I was at even a year ago, my life is 110% improved. Making decent money, have my own place, have a bunch of toys that I've always wanted (a car I'm building, things like that), but this nose shit is taking its toll. I've always had depression but I've mostly been able to control it, now it seems to be getting worse.
I didn't mean to steal your thread, but I wanted to let you know that I definitely know where you're coming from. To somebody else, this would probably all sound real stupid, because on paper everything is going great. But small health issues that are just an annoyance, over time, can easily turn into a huge problem that you just get fucking tired of dealing with all of the time. This is a shitty analogy, but I think of it as getting shot once, versus getting poked with a pin or needle over and over. To anybody else, the person getting shot would appear to be the one in the worst shape. But while the gunshot wound heals on the other person, you're still sitting here getting poked by the same needle over and over with no end in sight, and it starts to take its toll.
Let me know if you want to talk about any of this. I hope that things do improve for you, honestly.