This is a sort of hyper-condescending script making fun of sitcoms that I've been working on for fun for a while, any feedback letting me know that I'm not funny so that I can stop pretending I am would be great!
The Big Bang theory of Why Two Broke Girls Love Raymond
Announcer: Now back to the Big Bang Theory of Why Two Broke Girls Love Raymond!
Piano Riff
Enter Sheldon
Sheldon: Guess what everyone? My Star Trek Memorobelia just came in!!!
Broke Girl #1: OMG Star Trek????? Thats so nerdy!!!
Broke Girl #2: I Know, do they even make star wars stuff anymore???
Sheldon: Not Star Wars, STAR TREK!!!! Anyways, You two are just jelous because I actually have money to buy stuff with.
Broke Girl #1: Yeah, thats true. You might say we're ....
Together: TWO BROKE GIRLS!!!!
ALL: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
Broke Girl #1: You know actually, star wars is kinda hot.....
Audience: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Sheldon and Broke girl start making out
Older person opens the door
Sheldon and Broke Girl #1 Gasp
audience gasp.mp3
Older Person: HI, I'm just a repetative plot device for mediocre comedy.
Sheldon: BOJANGLES!
Audience Laughs
Director: CUT! Take 5 people. John, we need to talk.
Older person takes off mustache to reveal a 20 something year old dude (john)
Director: What the hell was that? I'm just a plot device? You can't just go off script like that!
John: You call this a script? This is by far the worst episode we've ever had, and that's saying something.
Director: Listen, It sucks, OK? I said it. It sucks But you gotta just keep trudging through. I mean, look at Jim over there
Jim (Sheldon) smoking a cigarette trying to calm his nerves, talking under his breath like a crazy person
Director: He's a good actor. A great actor even. And he's stuck on this excuse for a show. But does he complain? Does he ruin a perfectly good take? No, he just keeps trudging through, no matter what his doctors and therapists tell him.
John: Fine, but do you think you could work on the writing? Director: There's not much I can do, i mean, franks the head writer.(mottions to frank) It's hard to get through to him, plus the network loves his stuff, so it probably wont happen.
Frank is seen talking and laughing a lot to other actors.
John: I'll go have a word with him.
John: Hey Frank, hows it going? Frank: (super upbeat and annoyingly friendly): oh just great man. Nice performance today! I didn't actuall see any of it to be honest, but im sure it was fantastic. Great episode right?
John: Yeah, really good, but i was just wondering ... It seems like every episode I barge in and say "WhOoOOPS!! Sorry about that!!" Do you think we could maybe have less of that. I mean, running jokes are kind of low-brow.
Frank: WHat???? Thats your thing man! People love it!
John: I just feel like...
Frank: Listen i gotta go, but trust me, that gag is gold.
John sighs and walks over to Jim
Jim is still very jittery
Jim: didn't work did it?
John: no.
Jim: Listen man, ive been barking up that tree for ages, its no use. Eventually you realize the tree cant hear you, and whats more, everyone just saw you talking to a fucking tree for hours. Now they think you're crazy, and get you a therapist. But does that therapist do anything? No, just they show you pictures of your parents fighting and tell you that they're ink blot tests.
John: Uh, yeah.
Frank walks back in
Frank: Oh jim, real quick, I was watching a tape back, and your facial expressions were a bit lacking when you found out you had a dad back in episode 5.
Jim: WHAT.
Frank: Yeah, just think your "suprise" face wasn't to great there. try and clean it up.
Jim takes huge hit from cigarette
Frank: You know, you haven't been putting in a lot of effort lately.
Jim: effort? EFFORT? You wanna talk about effort?!?
jim stands up, holding script
Jim: What about the amont of effor you put into this script? THis is total garbage!
Frank: The only thing around here that is total garbage is your acting
frank is all up in jim face at this point
Jim: I can't take it any more!!! GAHHHH
Jim picks up star wars memorbelia and whacks Frank over the head, nocking him out
John: Oh my god! You just killed him with the star trek memorobelia!
Jim: Star wars!!!! And you better believe the force is in this guy, the rest of the writing staff is about to get order 66ed!
John: I havent seen star trek, so I dont know what that means, but it can't be good.
Jim starts dragging body offstage
Jim: hey, could you give me a hand here?
John: What? no!
Jim: C'mon man, help me out!
JOHn: NO!
Jim: well, if you're not with me, then you're against me.
Jim nocks him out with memorabelia
Curtains close
Narrator: Hello folks, while we wait for the next scene to start how would you like to hear some stand up comedy from our assistant writer James Mcdermott!
Audience cheers
James: So how about that airplaine food? RIGHT??@? Its soooo bad! LIke sooo bad. I was on an airplaine food this one time, and I got my food, and I was like WHATTT??? Are u kiddin me?
Jim can be seen sneaking up
James: So I look at the guy and I'm likie WHATISTHISHOWCANTHISBEOMG!! An he says sir, what did you expect? You're on an airplane! HAHAHAHAHAH. Can we talk about Jews for a second? Cause I mean...
Jim tackles James through the curtains
Narrator: UMM, I'm not sure what that was about, but lets get back to the big bang theory of why two broke girls love raymond!
Piano RIFF
Curtains open to reveal a pile of dead bodies and Jim holding a knife.
Jim: (Sarcastically) Bojangles!
Audience laughs
Jim: WHY WAS THAT FUNNY? WHY? Its THE SAME GODDAM THING EVERY TIME!
Jim jumps off stage and grabs and audience member, with a knife to their throat
JIM: WHY WAS THAT FUNNY?
Jim spots a writer sitting near the stage and whacks him.
Jim: oops, almost missed ya!
John stumbles in throught auditorium doors, holding head.
John: You gotta stop this jim, this isn't going to change anything.
Jim: I gotta do something! I mean, did you hear that next joke James was about to say? Do you want a writer who thinks jokes about juice are funny?
John: Juice?... No, he said Jews.
Jim: Oh. Somehow thats better. Anyways, you cant stop me, after I'm done here, I'm going after the network.
John: So what? There are tons of networks with crappy sitcoms
Jim: Well, I guess I'll have to take care of them too.
John: I wont let you.
Jim: Don't you see Jim? This is the only way!
John: C'mon, they're not even that bad. They're mediocre, and easily digestible. Easy to make, easy to market. THey arent evil, or on a route to killing comedy.
Jim: YOu'RE WORSE THAN MY THERAPIST
Epic fight scene ensues.