Hi. I'm sorry for the late reply. This is a new account I made. I was doing fine for the last few months. I thought I was "improving". I thought I'd never go back here again. Yet, here I am. Again. Worse than before. I thought I was getting better. My grades were high and consistent. New friends came and they became my new source of happiness. I got a boyfriend who really loves me. I thought everything was fine. I tried to live with a positive outlook in life. Clearly, it was effective. For the last few months, I did not do any suicide attempts.

But it wasn't enough. I know I am not completely healed. I was naive. Sooner and later I realized that this no better than before. They had expectations from me. I had to follow the image they made for me. I did a self reflection last few days and I realized that I didn't change at all. I was still a coward. A coward who can only rely on others. I am weak. And after that, I am so down. Crying at night became a daily basis. Stress eating. No appetite. Faking smiles. Faking laughs. Lies. Doubts. Fear. Anxiety. Broken trusts.

I, again, realized that I am such a pity, lonely and sad person. I am a trash. Nothing but a trash.

Now I find myself here again. Complaining. Hoping that someone can reassure me. Someone can somehow save me. What a truly pathetic person I've become.