Ah the beast named sex. A timid creature who explouds when prodded in the direction of lust. If I recall correctly, Hagrid was tasked to lock it up in Azkaban. There, I heard, sex met mad eye moody and serious black. They had some serious mad eye sex. How does this relate? This woman named Jenny cheated on her man, I'm serious. Then the man watched with mad eyes her kiss the other man named Zack and they had sex a lot together which sucks like how Voldemort's nose looks. Note that he's a fucking wizard and could probably expelliarmis that shit. Regardless, he made a good choice with keeping that kind of "I have the nose of snake cuz I'm a slytherin fucking snake", it makes him look more respectable to assholes like Malfoy's dad who made a wand out of his cane. How does this relate? Volde "mort". Death. The pistol in the drawer is capable of producing the aforementioned effect. Expelliarmis. According to Hermione it means "to disarm" in the pixie dust language. Better disarm that pistol before it morts someone. Oh I almost forgot! Harry stopped by yesterday and tried to sell me some white owl named Hedwig. During the negotiations I asked if said owl had a wig on his head. Note that at this time I didn't know the spelling of this owl's name. I eventually gave in and bought this little feller for 30 phoenix hairs I found in Hagrid's beard (the things you find in that beard...). Harry assured me this owl did in fact have a wig on his head and also spoke 3 languages including wizard, Hagrid, and pixie dust. He also made me BELIEVE the owl could send letters faster than FedEx. Turns out I spent 30 Phoenix hairs not on a multi-linguistic, wig wearing, speedy motherfucking Hedwig, but on a lazy old owl. This guy, Harry. How does this relate? OP was swindled out of a very attractive looking life by a women named Jenny. What is the last letter of Jenny's name? Y. So Y did she and Harry both do the same thing? Well you see, it wasn't the same. I got a pet owl who might be able to learn Hagrid (advanced language). He can also be tasked with finding more Phoenix hairs. Now that I realize this, this owl might be amazing! Thanks Harry, sorry I actually gave you Hagrid hairs. The phoenix hairs are actually in my wizard robes ahahahha. Anyway... the situation went from lazy owl to resource gatherer and future translator. So we come to the point of this. The future is bright just like the coat on Hedwig. The future is deep and confusing and unknown just like Hagrid's big ol' beard and what's in it. And finally, the future is gonna have a lot of mad eye serious fucking sex because you deserve it for not cheating on your wife. Best wishes OP.