Goddamn, my school has Toilet Times, but this is Toilet Novella. How long are these women spending in the bathroom . . .

Going to do my best here to learn the 20 Ways to Love My Body, since it's a bit hard to make out but the few I can see off the bat are gold, can't miss out on these!

1. Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.

That analogy's gonna suck when your vehicle breaks down halfway through the race because you were putting shitty fuel into it and not observing routine maintenance.

1. Create a list of all the things your body lets you do.

Like having extra "me time" on every flight of stairs as you catch your breath!

1. Become aware of what your body can do each day.

Observe such fantastical feats as rapidly swinging blood glucose levels as your pancreas really brings its A game!

1. Create a list of people you admire: was their appearance important to their success and accomplishments?

No but their health and ability to take care of their responsibilities as a person sure as fuck was.

1. Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.

No snarky comment here, for the love of god please listen and start walking more.

1. Don't let your weight or shape keep you from activities you enjoy.

Yes, it is the mental block you suffer that is keeping you from being a marathon runner, and not your poor cardiovascular fitness and overtaxed knees. Break through that psychological barrier!

1. Wear comfortable clothes that you like, that express your personal style, and that feel good to your body.

Please don't. There's already enough students coming to class in sweats.

1. Count your blessings, not your blemishes.

Your skin would be a fuckton clearer if you ate properly and drank water.

1. Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!

Yes, if you take that 'worry' energy/time and put it into 'doing something' energy/time, you too could reach your weight goals!

1. Be your body's friend and supporter, not it's enemy.

Fucking preach it, toilet poster. I agree. (Though I suspect we see this playing out in different ways.)

1. Consider this, your skin replaced itself once a month, your stomach liing every five days, your liver every few weeks, and your skeleton every three months.

This is just downright factually incorrect. Like, blatantly so. Good news, people with cirrhosis, you don't need a transplant, just wait a little while. Oh, you have osteoporosis, grandma? Don't worry, bones replace themselves. But you know what? Sure, let's go with it: If your body is constantly rebuilding, why are you giving it shitty, broken building blocks?

1. Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.

I just can't even on this one. So much wat.

1. Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout teh day.

Do they realize that their body is a part of them and that they're thanking no one, and that everything "their body does" is something they're doing? And that they could do it better if they treated it better?

1. Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Exercise for the three Fs, Fun, Fitness, and Friendship.

Finally getting to the good stuff.

1. Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body.

If it's not "right now", do something about it.

1. Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself . . . without mentioning your appearance.

Sure, why not?

1. Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, "I'm beautiful inside and out."

More pandering please.

1. Search for the beauty in the world and in yourself.

I feel like they're really dropping off on their tips here. It's hard to answer platitudes with snark. :(

1. Consider that "Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."

It's going to be a lot longer if you quit hating it and start treating it properly. Your behaviour directly correlates to how short your life will actually be.

1. Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.

Except don't because we know from research that people who have been obese for long periods of time have skewed hunger/satiety signals as a result of hormones like leptin and ghrelin, and unfortunately us former fatties need to be more diligent. Your body is not aware that, rather than being a hunter along the savannah, you are a blogger on the internet and do not need to desperately consume calories to stay alive.