Are you trying to make it better? There's nothing I read in your post about any desire on your part for a better relationship with your child. Christ, children. I don't know you or how you let someone else pressure you into a pregnancy you obviously didn't want. You sound content to be hateful.

If you really want it to "get better" and have a relationship with your kid(s), try getting to know him on your terms. Figure out some activities that you enjoy - that are safe and can be done in repetition, because at that age that's how kids learn (like a water table and building blocks then knocking them down.

I enjoy my kid and seeing how he's figuring things out and becoming a little person. I've studied languages and watching him I see him try to connect the word "ball" with the shape rather than action/color is fascinating.

Oh yeah, and try going to counseling. Or getting a better shrink, because if you don't have one helping you stand up for yourself you might end up with another kid you don't want.