I was going to school as a Sophomore at a major state school. One of my buddies was friends with a (GASP) 22 year-old ancient dude named Adam. Now, Adam wasn't very cool for basically all of his life and I could tell because, well, he was hanging out with 19 year old kids like it was his birthday. So me, being the enterprising and solution-seeking individual that I am, convinces my buddy to get Adam to buy us a (OMG SO MUCH BEER) keg because he can probably get Adam to do it. Adam most definitely complies. We got the keg, and now we're looking at it like the Holy Grail that it is and a thought jumps into our heads: "How in the F*(& do we get a keg past the RA desk, into the elevator, up 3 floors and into one of our shitty 2-person rooms?
"Uh...." goes back and forth for a couple exchanges, and finally, I remember my friend has a large stereo box (CUE LIGHTNING SOUND AND LIGHTBULUB) in his room.
"Uh, dude...?" "Yeah?" "Uh, that stereo box in your room?" "Yeah?" "Let's put it in there. You grab the box, I'll grab the moving dolly!"
We got to work. P.S. almost every dorm has one of those bellhop moving dollies available if you ask the RA. I asked the RA (I'm pretty sure she was Mormon, I got caught with beer cans a few months later under my bed while away on Christmas vacation??? WTF was my room being searched that thoroughly for?). Anyways, we had the dolly.
We brought it to the parking lot. My buddy and his roommate met me back at the car. We loaded this glorious, inconceivable amount of beer into the box on the dolly and sat there and grinned. It just looked like a stereo. Full of beer. That we were taking to its home, in our dorms, where we would be reveled as Kings. We told Adam to hang behind as it would be suspicious and we entered the Dorm. Two kids hauling a stereo box, past a camera system, an RA, numerous other kids, up the elevator, and then home free, right?
Right. That's exactly what happened. We did it! We began to consume the beer. It was glorious. A couple (12) of us hung out in my buddy's room and started to party. It was pure bliss. Then came a knock at the door.
We had locked the door. It was the RAs. Fuck those guys, seriously. Who takes that job and then actually intends on enforcing the rules? Chumps.
"Teacher! Teacher! you forgot to give us the homework you told us about at the start of the class!"
OMG, FML.
"EVERYONE GIVE ME YOUR BEERS NOW."
My room was a total mess.
"STALL THE HITLER YOUTH, THERE'S CONTRABAND!!!!"
"Uhhhh... hey guys.... hang on. How does this suite door work? It won't unlock. It's stuck."
JIGGLE JIGGLE JIGGLE JIGGLE
JIGGLE
Frowny faces.
Crossed arms.
"FUCK THOSE NAZIS POUR THE BEERS DOWN THE SHOWER AND THE SINK LIKE NOW"
Anxious looks from the front door (there were two sets of doors. One to the suite, one to the room.)
"Dude hurry up, they're getting pissed, I think they're getting the key."
We poured beers. And hid beers. And we were making progress but it wasn't fast enough.
THERE'S A KEG IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FUCKING DORM AND 15 PEOPLE IN HERE WTF DO I DO?
Well, I was a slop. I did the only thing I could think to do in 15 seconds' time. I got everyone to pile the filth and debauchery and the absolute glutton of objects and articles that become a single-resident-in-a-double-suite-dorm accumulates onto the top of the keg.
"This will never work," I thought. FUCK MY L.
It worked. The RA's came in, "Hey guys we smelled alcohol from the stairs. We need to search your room."
"FUCK" I thought but played it cool. One guy was in the shower, a couple in the suite area, a few people in the room. We spread out. There were less people in the room. Less of a party.
"Uh... ok."
"Can you open up your drawers?"
"Sure," I thought. Nothing to see there. There was nothing to see there.
"How about these ones?" Nothing.
They weren't noticing the huge 5 foot pile of clothing stacked against the west end of my room.
Frustrated, they then asked "and how about... THIS!?"
and they opened up my large bureau bolted to the wall. There were two beer glasses full of beer, hastily stashed by two guests who didn't get the "DUMP ALL OF THE EVIDENCE" memo. It was a large room, I understand the confusion.
They told us to follow them downstairs and fill out our alcohol violation paperwork.
To this day, I still wonder: "Were they really that stupid to miss the 5 ft tall pile of clothing and beer glasses full of beer with no other obvious means of filling said glasses with the nector of the gods, cut their losses, let us off with a minor infraction, dodging expulsion for the ridiculous amount of booze we had on hand, or did they let us off easy?"
Well, I don't know if I'll ever know. But I got away (mostly) with something and it made me smile for a moment. Smiling for a moment is one of the greatest gifts one can hope for. Think about your experiences and cherish them as often as you can :)