I woke up one day and realized I was in a bit of a cocoon and this could very well be as good as it gets. I wondered what I would say to myself in the future when I was on my deathbed... would I look back and just think this is as good as it got? I had always wanted to live overseas.
So over the next few months, I quit all the work I was doing (freelancer). I sold everything I had except what would fit in airline luggage (2 bags and a carry on). Stuff I had that had been handed down to me, I shipped to family that I knew would like it. And one day I got on a plane. 27 hrs later I touched down in a city I had never visited, barely knew anything about, and was scared shitless. But it was my life... and I am the sole owner of it. So I found a place to crash. I got up the next day, showered, put on my backpack and walked to everywhere I could. I had 3.5 months worth of money at my present bleeding money factor. I found a place to type up some resumés. I found places to drop them off. Exactly 90 days later, I started a full time job. In the in-between I met some incredible ppl. Slept in some shitty spots. Had some good times. Had a few nights, mostly in the rain, when I really wondered what the fuck I'd done.
I ended up making some wonderful friends. People I still hold dear to this day. People who are closer to me than family. I banked some money, and was going to buy a house, something I had no hope of doing in the states.
Then one day I picked up a friend who came to visit from the States. Looking back on this it was simply the worst choice I have ever made, in direct contrast to the best one I ever made. She and I were both alone and lonely in our own way. She stayed for 6 months. I got her work. We shacked up. She went back home, but came back a month later. I really thought this was the relationship. I found her a really good job. Then one day she said: "I'm going back to the states. If you want to come that's cool. If not, I understand."
I followed her.
And 3 weeks after I got back she told me she only wanted me to come back so that she could close out our joint account and it made her feel powerful. During that 3 weeks I developed a severe food allergy (first time ever and it nearly killed me, but that's another story). And just like that, I was back here, no job, nowhere to go. Even less than I left with. And in a market that was shriveled and limping. My health took a severe turn, no insurance sucked every penny I had. Some friends took me in. But that's a rough road. I don't want to kill a relationship, no matter how needed.
It's been rough being back. This killed a lot of trust in me. I'm sort of on my feet. I turned to my art and do that 60hrs a week now just to live week to week. I'm not in debt. But some weeks PB sandwiches get old after 14 in a row.
Would I do it again? The first one, yes. Without a doubt. I tell anyone to let go and free yourself.
Would I do the second half again? NEVER. 1. I do not think I'll ever trust another human on that level again. And 2. I've come to realize that my life may be shared, but it's MINE. I know I made the choice to follow her. But I will never follow another person again.