23 yo/m. I don't know how to escape from my negative thoughts. I blame my parents for my miserable existence but I still living with them. I blame myself so much. I need to fix things in my life but I feel so fucking weak. I feel like I can't and honestly I don't know how. Life is too difficult for someone like me.

I feel like a child trapped in an adult body. I'm so anxious and I hate responsibilities. This year I only work (I hate working and my job) and then at home I play videogames and vape a lot of weed everyday. Also I tried a few other drugs to make myself happy at least for a while.

I isolate myself from people, I don't want to be around my few friends. I don't go outside if I don't have to. I don't talk with my parents anymore. But then I feel loneliness. I'm ashamed of myself. I have no future. My brain doesn't work normally. I can't function like a responsible adult man.

I started with weed last year because I'm depressed probably since I was 16/17, I wanted to escape from reality. My mind is a dark place since high school. But now I'm seriously addicted and it worsened everything. I have zero will-power, zero motivation, I don't want to live anymore. I just want to cry and then sleep forever. I don't want another year of this hopelessness, I'm so tired.

Sorry for my english, I'm dumb as fuck since I finished school. I never learned english language properly. Like everything. I'm too lazy and unmotivated to learn everything. My dead-end minimum-wage job is all I have. What is this kind of life I made for myself. I'm trapped.