I stopped talking to my mother almost entirely about 4 years ago. I'm 30 now, and just had a baby. I let her back into my life on the grounds that she is always sober around my child.
I had a shitty childhood and my mother was a terrible mother. She was always chasing men, and always put them before her children. I have two sisters who are slightly older than me and they got the worst of it. I was just beaten all the time.
I was always told I was a bastard and my dad didn't love me. I was told he was a worthless drunk.
One of my sister's actually had a dad, and he would come and pick her up every Saturday. It was heart breaking to see her get dressed up and leave with her dad, and I know her dad must have felt bad because he would include me sometimes.
So I get older, and I get use to not having a dad, but even in the 9th grade I still dreamed of one day coming home from school and see my long lost father just waiting for me. Telling me he lost contact and just wanted to k know everything about me.
So I get even older. I'm away for the holidays, visiting my fiance's parents for Christmas. I was outside, 24 years old, and looking through the window at my future wife and her family all just enjoying the moment. I knew right then and there I was going to find my dad.
I didn't care if he was a worthless drunk or a complete piece of shit. I had to see him. I asked my mom a million questions and this time she didn't scream at me for asking them. She tells me a name and an identity, body build, his family members, when she last saw him etc... I used all of the info I had and tracked down many of his family members. I even found his daughter and son. Holy shit I had half brothers and sisters.
It took me roughly 3 years, and i finally made contact. He was pleasant, and he apologized profusely, but he was not my father he told me. I asked him again, and he said it with the most honest voice I ever heard. I was crushed. What a fucking asshole, I poured my life and soul into finding him and told him my life story. He denied I was his son.
I called me mom that evening and told her my findings. She started to cry a little. She then told me that my real dad was actually my sister's dad, the same one who took her away every weekend. The same one who took her on vacation every year, took her to Disney, took her to see space shuttles take off. That she said, was my dad.
I was shocked, how could she keep me him. She told me she always hated him, and her family hated him, and she couldn't bare to let people know she got pregnant from him again. So she kept it a secret.
So there I was, 27 years old, no longer a bastard. I hung up the phone and didn't speak to her for 3 years. I told her in a text that I would forgive her if she wrote a letter to him and me, and apologized, told us her reasoning. Helped me understand. I also wanted a DNA test. She scoffed at me, called me an asshole and said she didn't need to do anything. I told her she was right.
My wife was 6 months pregnant when I finally talked to her again. I screened her calls for years. I told she could have relationship with our child, but never be negative or not sober around him.
I never contacted my biological dad, he is in his late 70s and would probably think I'm trying to scam him.