I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you. I've been married for 15 years and in my early 40s too. My husband and I had similar problems to what you describe. Let me tell you what was our problem and how we recovered. Neither of us have any major sexual hang ups and before I met my husband I had other boyfriends and a perfectly healthy sexual appetite. I was slightly more sexually experienced than my husband when we met and I think that was a part of the problem. He was very enthusiastic but frankly not very good at sex. I realize now its a matter of practice and communication but at the time I started to pull away. We forced ourselves to do it once a week at least. Most of our fights revolved around sex or the fact hat he wanted more and I wanted less. What's funny is that I've always had a HL so the fact that I lost all interest is in part due to my weird expectations of him and now that I think back I am sure that anti depression meds didn't help either. We were barely hanging on with once a month sex (I was ok with it but my husband wasn't) when our two year old was diagnosed with a developmental disability. The stress of that resulted in sex three times a year ( i would break down and ask for it when I would get so horny after going without for so many months) and then eventually we dropped to no sex for the following year. I was pretty sure we would divorce since we had no real intimate connection with each other anymore. We were just really good friends at this point. I knew he wanted more sex but it had been so long we were out of practice and it wasn't like I had any urges or anything. OK this is how things changed. I read a few fun erotica books (hey you can get this sort of thing from the library) this past summer and I got aroused and after a year I initiated sex. It was good sex but nothing spectacular and i started to feel so desolate and hopeless that my sex life was never going to be hot again. i love my husband but frankly he sucked at sex. So I finally told my husband why I didn't like sex. I flat out told him he needed to figure out where to find my G-spot, play with my breasts, use his tongue, learn how to go down on a woman properly etc. i wasnt cruel or mean but I was frank and I think it stung but I made a point of telling him why I wasn't feeling the sex but I love him and wanted to fix it. I bought him a book called "women come first" and made him read it. We looked at how to videos on the Internet. I told him my fantasies and what I liked. And then after sex i told him what wasn't working and I gave/give him feedback afterwards. Sometimes we would do this in the dark because frankly its hard to talk about these things sometimes. Sorry this is so long but now since June we have sex 5-6 times a week. the sex gradually got better and better. It's like we are two different people and our marriage has a new life. The books helped. Talking helped. Practice helped. We went from occasional sex with one puny orgasm to sex with 3-4 mind blowing orgasms. (Our world record is 5) We can't seem to be able to get our hands off each other now. And now I chase after him for sex. I think he would be fine with sex 3-4 times a week but I find myself wanting it almost every day. It's helped that I read more erotica books. They say men think about sex all the time well, women's erotica /sexy fiction keeps our minds in the gutter. It's like porn for women. I hope this helps. Good luck to you.