My last relationship was with a guy who was into BDSM. years ago I used to think I was kinky and then I took a kink test and it turns out I'm not even vanilla I'm colorless. I truly get off on romantic sex, cuddles and pillow talk. So my ex tried to introduce me into BDSM. I was open-minded about it at the time because I didn't know the level of deep it went. As horny as I thought I was I'm not nearly as depraved. The thing for me is I just didn't find it interesting. He'd take forever tying me upme up in elaborate knots and I kept waiting for the good stuff. For him that was the good stuff.For one thing, except for three areas of my body I have an extremely high pain tolerance and I think the fact that I found his caning my feet to be kind of boring and perfunctory turned him off. I could tell he was irritated that I was losing interest. He kept on saying does it hurt? I said no it really doesn't but he didn't want to break the skin which is of course good. Then I realized it's not just a real turn on for him he really does want to see me in pain. I had to reflect on that because outside the bedroom he was one of the kindest men I've been with. Gentle and considerate. He was gentle BDSM-wise but he ultimately really did want to see me in pain. And he was planning to ramp it up. I had really grown to like him until then. But even the douchiest LVMs I fooled around with in my sexual bender days didn't want to see me in pain. A person who wants to see you in pain is not a good person even if they are kind at other times of the day.