But the thing is that one day shit might just start rolling your way again, but if you choose the permanent solution it can't. I was deep down in the shit for many years, but all of a sudden things just fell in my lap.

I was scared as shit that it would be yet another dissapointment that would make things even worse, but I figured that I had nothing to lose. I went against every fiber in my body and took the job that I've always wanted, but felt so damn underqualified for. My job was to save a project that was in it's final stages that was about 3 years behind and I had ~6 months to do it.

All of a sudden I, who absolutely hates pictures and shit of myself, found myself in video conferences, traveling to meetings with executives and technicians and it was tough. Like I had never seen myself doing stuff like that, but I focused my thoughts and looked at what it could lead to and did it.

Now I'll probably have to start travelling more and also have a lot more video conferences, probably in english too, and while my english is pretty decent, it's still kind of hard for me to speak it since I don't consider myself good enough.

Sorry for a long reply, but the point is that sometimes it just takes one thing to turn the tides, and you'll never get that chance if you choose suicide.