haha, thanks. In general, I'm a happy and optimistic person, and I work hard. It's just that my job is overwhelming at times and I have a thesis and some personal issues constantly on my mind. I can't describe what it's like to not be able to control your own actions, or to have food control your entire life. Constantly telling yourself not to eat, but you can't control yourself, no matter how much willpower you have, because in the end.. my brain wins. I actually participated in a psych student's phD research on BED. He is comparing it to gambling and alcoholism to see similarities. If anyone on here saw me on the street, they'd have no idea that I have an eating disorder. My own boyfriend didn't know until about 3 months ago, and we have lived together 2 years. I would binge when I knew he was at work. One day, we went to brunch, and I had pancakes, and felt too full/guilty afterwards. I told him I felt sick when we got home and puked. He knew it was an excuse. I am seeking treatment, but it's so much harder when you're a fucking dietitian. Yeah. My life already revolved around food. I feel like there's a certain way I should look and eat. I have a judgmental coworker who will make comments if I drink a diet soda, or god forbid eat something sweet or "bad". I just look at food an automatically think of how "bad" it is, and how I can't eat it, which obviously makes me crave it until I binge. I have no idea why I am letting this all out on FPH, but it feels good. I have never talked about it. I actually dread eating meals on weekends, because I know once I start, I won't be able to stop myself. I spend a lot of time alone, and that's a huge part of it.