People have been telling me my whole life that I am smart, I will do or move onto big things. I find certain things like college fairly easy, didn't study much for all of mechanical engineering or school, and most problems aren't really even challenging for me but just time consuming, like I know what the result will be or the other twenty iterations of it.

Once I was done post secondary school there are things that really fuck with me, like I question myself. I realize that I am above the average, but wouldn't ever look myself and in the mirror and tell myself that. Would I be better off not being as smart as I am and maybe I could float through those thoughts...

Maybe someone can throw me a lifeline here, I get crazy ups and downs. I just got promoted and didn't enjoy the position after the promotion, so I quit. I didn't know what I was going to do but I wasn't worried. I figured, and knew if I had to get multiple jobs to keep my house and stuff it was a non-issue. But I got another job, and the pace is way slower, the company is private and so on. I run into things now, and I noticed this past about 25-26, but I'll encounter something that will really mess me up existentially.

I really hope that it doesn't get worse, or more frequent. Or if I should accept it as part of getting older, or wiser. I see through things, people. Instead of charging through or at it, 1 in 100 times, I will really have a moment when I am like "if I was less intelligent (by any factor) or didn't find things so easy or didn't see through ti so easily, would I enjoy it more?"

Special note: I hate saying I am intelligent by any means, and don't convey that attitude, sometimes it is embarrassing and I hate arrogance (everyone is here just to enjoy their time). But when things around me like mechanical engineering are fairly easy, scientific concepts and theories are easily understandable, I can't help but think it.