Time to look for help? Been fighting for years and I've run out of energy.

Even though you're a stranger, I wanted to say that I'm proud of you for finally seeking the help you deserve. It's a daunting first step, but if Lao-tzu is to be believed, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

It's alright to be immobilized with pain, tired of feeling inadequate, questioning everything -- those are normal thoughts and feelings, with depression amplifying them tenfold. They're not easy to come to terms with.

You mentioned in your post that achieving goals helped cope with your depression, especially when your life would be better when a particular goal was achieved. Maybe we can use that to your advantage. A goal of "get better" is somewhat daunting, speaking from twelve years of depression and counting. Maybe something smaller -- maybe "get help" to start with, and work from there?

I've noticed that depression treatments tend to fall into two major categories, medication or therapy. Some people choose one or the other, and others use both. Ultimately, that choice is yours.

You've mentioned that you've tried medication before, albeit a relatively long time ago. It may be worth taking another look into it, especially since medical science advances so much and so quickly. There may be medications that will help you that just weren't available the last time you tried medication.

If you do decide to go that route, please tell your doctor about your drinking habits. Alcohol can react nastily with any medication, and together, the two can lead to downright awful side effects.

The other general option you have is therapy. I haven't pursued it firsthand, so I'm afraid I can't give you a step-by-step guide here (although someone else likely can). Some people react well to therapy, others don't -- just like with medication.

Alternatively, medication and therapy together is something else you could try, as I mentioned earlier. I wish I could point you in an exact direction, but what works best for you is... well, up to you. Everyone's different, and different treatment options work better for different people.

But regardless of what you choose, you'll have an entire community backing you up. That's what /r/depression is here for!

/r/depression Thread