So much to say I worry I won’t do it justice. But, I know your feeling. I’m curious (and don’t feel like you have to answer), but it sounds like you’d be okay with your peers knowing you were triggered or about what you’ve been through, but not okay with your teacher? What has led you to not be worried about their judgement, but to be worried about your teachers?

I’ve been in your shoes, sitting in a course I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to handle. I made sure to sit near an exit so I could excuse myself quickly (to “use the restroom”). I doodled a hell of a lot when I needed to detach a bit. And was able to sort of stand/move near the back of the room (I find it easier to breathe and process that way. Plus, if a tear rolled, no one could see it.) But, that was allowable in the set-up of the course. As the course amped up and dug deeper I was able to build a relationship enough with the teacher to have a private conversation. Asked about the specifics of what was coming, explained (without saying why) that I might struggle on some sections. I actually did a 1:1 for one of the classes just to fully protect myself. But...I was way more worried about my peers’ judgement than my teachers.

That was early on for me. When I was still testing my ability to be there in this way for kids while I had history. Turns out I was able to detach myself pretty well, split from what happened in my life to really focus on helping others. But, that journey can be a long one. One of self-discovery that required a heck of a lot of introspection. I’ve sat in hundreds of other courses along the same topics since then and have just learned to cope in different ways as I’ve been in different places in my life.

Now I actually teach courses like this. Trust me, your teacher is well aware the subject matter may be more difficult for some that others. It’s unlikely you are going to be the only one there that may be triggered. I wonder what boundaries, statements, support she/he has already presented in light of this knowledge? I speak to a lot of the sensitivity of the topic prior to beginning the conversations. I know that not everyone comes to speak to me 1:1 about their worries of going through the course, but many do. And it’s sometimes pretty helpful to know. I allow for people to take care of themselves first in the process, and find ways to help them do so when I can. Sometimes it’s as simple as knowing when I can push/ask questions to a specific person. Sometimes I’ve altered a way I present something because of the sensitivity I know is in the room, even though the subject matter needs to be covered. There are always alternatives to work around most of it. You may just need someone to help you work through those alternatives. I’d encourage you to speak to your teacher if you’re comfortable. If they are teaching it, they should be the first person in that room to know a trauma-informed way to help you work through the course.