2:55 AM, decided to take one more rider and end after 3. I pull up, and college engineering student named "Curt" hops in. He seems like a nice guy, and is still semi-alert, but the drunk is settling in hard. I can just tell that this guy is going to puke in my car. I try to make conversation to keep him alert, but he is getting worse by the minute. We pull up to address; I'm so happy he is about to get out. Turns out, he gave me the wrong address.

He gives me new address, and now I'm starting to sweat. It is only a matter of time before this guy is going to puke, for sure. He is falling over in seat, and waving hands at his face. I start driving faster, turn on the AC.

We are almost there, and he rolls down window and starts yelling into the wind. I realize that he is puking as he yells out my window (yell-puking? Yuking?). Vomit all over the place. Painted the whole side of my car, all over door, inside window slit, etc.

I pull over so he can finish, and he just rolls out of the car onto the ground and down a hill. He starts moaning, and I get ready to roll him onto his side so he doesn't choke. He settles onto his knees in a fetal position, face down and starts yelling, "don't touch me! Just leave me! Don't help me! I don't deserve it."

No problem. I have no desire to touch this guy. But it's like 35 degrees, and I can't just leave him moaning, super drunk, at the bottom of 25 foot hill by the forest. So I called 911, and asked for someone to come help him. As I wait for paramedics, I take pictures of my car and of him moaning on the ground. Paramedics show up, and I get a picture of him in the ambulance (to demonstrate that I didn't just leave him). I send it all to Uber, and get a clean-up fee. It's now almost 4, my car is full of this guy's puke, and I head home. I'm sure Curt's ride home cost him like $1,000 (my clean up fee, plus $800 for ambulance). I feel bad, but he made some choices that night.