**Update** Me [23 f] with my [31 m] bf of two years pushed me to a place I never thought I could go

Maybe I did not articulate it well: optimistic, submissive, trusting people do not need to change their optimism, submissiveness or ability to trust but they should be aware of those traits and that it might lead to people using those traits against them. As such, I recommended that if OP finds herself reading through the traits and seeing herself in them, to work on developing skills/techniques/traits to counteract being taken advantage of. It's fantastic to be optimistic and trusting, but it's good to still be able to tell when enough is enough if someone is trying to capitalize on your niceness.

I think circumstances of the target contribute to the likelihood of targeting by abusers, but traits do as well, and more than I think you are willing to agree on. At least that has been my experience from the abusers that I have come to know, and statistics indicate it as well. Sadly, I have seen one too many women coming from wonderful families, raised in a loving and trusting environment and full of love and trust themselves, waste that love and trust on someone who didn't deserve it. Even when their friends and family warned them of those individuals, but their willingness to believe the good in people and to not fight made them put up with more than they should. Their problem wasn't that they were loving and trusting, because those traits spent on the right person creates a bonded relationship. It's that they did not know how to protect themselves from people using those traits against them.

Regardless, the point is there are certain things about a victim (circumstances or traits) that may make them more at risk of being abused, and while you may see acknowledging those risks as a form of blaming the victim, I do not. I see it as wise to help those individuals who are at a higher risk be aware of what abusers could use against them and to use that awareness to develop ways to shield and learn to stand up to abusers.

Even if they are not the only ones who could become susceptible to abusers.

/r/relationships Thread Parent