update on the perfect date...

Sure, one more.

I practiced the "dynamic downgrade" where I would adjust the date in real time based on her behavior; if she was turning out to be a complete 'no way' the priorities became:

  1. Cut costs.
  2. Amp enjoyment.

I was taking a promising prospect out to dinner and a popular (chick flick!) movie she wanted to see and along the way she texted, made, received calls, changed the radio (!)

I jokingly asked if she was on call tonight as a trauma nurse, or was she a part time suicide hotline operator? And she continued.

So I decided the date was a wash and drove her not to Red Lobster,(the ultimate stop in my small town - yes we are pretty neat) but to the 'bad mall.'

We had the new 'good mall' with full occupancy and cool stores, and the walking dead 'old mall' dottted with empty stores like the missing teeth in and old crone's face.

We did several circuits walking around the old mall looking at the rugs, discount jewelry, and odd lots for sale and I bought a big stuffed animal that she had an interest in at a dying KBee Toys. I think it was a monkey.

We then progressed to dinner at the mall where I grandly indicated she could order whatever she wanted from the sumptuous Taco Bell menu. Reluctantly she did so, then I ordered large, as in take home the excess large, and then WOE! Determined that I had not much cash and sadly had misplaced my credit card (in my back pocket).

So she bought us both dinner and for me, breakfast as well (mmmm leftovers).

So this date is in free fall and I've got maybe an hour to wrap it up, get her on her way, and make it to a bar or party so the night isn't a complete bust. But how can I get out of this lame movie and 2.5 hours of seething anger that used to be a date?

The answer to that question, as was often the case to many of life's questions, was 'Monkey.'

We walked around the mall, and found ourselves back in front of the toy store. I walked in to the counter, held my hand out to my date and she reflexively handed me the Monkey.

I produced the receipt and returned my Monkey rental, pivoted, and proffered my date the handful of bills and change; her face was a mixture of volcanic fury, disbelief, and a hint of Taco Bell Hot Sauce infused arousal (I think).

At this point as we were stalking (her) and loping (me) back to my mighty Plymouth Horizon, I informed her that I still owed her around 3 bucks that I was good for, but I'd have to borrow the cash for the movie and any inflated movie treats, from her; sadly, she insisted on ending our date and I took her home.

But not before squeezing a few bucks for gas out of her...

/r/actuallesbians Thread