Have you ever gone to therapy? Sometimes, parents try their best, but it isn't what is right. It sounds like she was out of control at an early age, and by the time she went to therapy it was too late to reign her in. Did you have a lot of guilt as a mother? Were you afraid to give her rules and consequences? You remind me of my mother in so many ways, and I ended up in an abusive relationship too. My mother refuses to acknowledge her own glaring mistakes parenting and prefers also to blame my temperament as well, but the thing is: I didn't ask to be born, and my disposition is my birthright. It's the parent's job to adjust to the child, it is NOT the child's job to be a certain way. How do I know this? I am the mother of a bright, intelligent, highly sensitive, easily frustrated girl. She walked at 10 months, she read at 3, she has a lot in common with your daughter (and with me as a child too).

I also have been in therapy for five years and have learned how to contain her. We have a loving and strong relationship, and I am a rock for her to rebel against, and I will never ever waiver. I don't take it personally, it doesn't wear me out. It's normal for kids to get mad when they are given rules. "I hate you mom!" Me: "I must be doing the right thing if she's pissed at me!" I give her high love and high responsibility, and I am preparing her for life in the world. I use active listening with her, and I have high expectations for her to complete all of her chores and homework and I give her lots of love and affection. She is well behaved and contained. My best would have been shit without my therapist because all I knew was my mother before me who was a garbage parent.

I suggest reading Running on Empty. You may see in that book where you failed as a parent. I saw my mother in that book, and I saw my own early mistakes as well. It's unfortunate, but love and 'your best' just isn't enough. There is a right way to do it, and sometimes it requires a psychologist or books written by psychologists and changing the parenting style and sticking with the new way. I am married, and my 'best' isn't enough for that either. There are skills that are required to know how to communicate that if I wasn't exposed to them at home (which I was NOT) I had to take it upon myself to learn those in therapy.

The good news is that it's not too late! You can look at how you may have failed as a mother, and you can start over now. You can go to therapy and learn how to effectively communicate with your daughter. It's your job as the mother, not hers. Parenting is not instinctual, and if we just repeat what we saw, it's just not good enough. It takes even more care and learning to raise a sensitive and intelligent person. And it takes care and learning to have a relationship with that girl now. Your best is not enough, go and learn.