Is wanting (mostly) parallel poly a problem?

The issue for me is that I’m chatty and charming while there’s someone else there.

So my partners don’t always realize it’s not a genuine pleasure for me. I’m very good at making something awkward for me feel effortless for everyone else. I’m so damn breezy. And then I go home and collapse. The same thing happens when I spend time with my nesting partner’s family. He always thinks I want to stay. I never want to stay!

We’ve done dinner parties with my meta and her various people and my partner says oh thank god you’re here it’s so much easier if you are, it comes so naturally to you. Which is not the case. It doesn’t come that easily, it costs me something.

It helps to have a signal in the moment. But it also helps to choose partners who have time to be intensely coupled up and enjoy that kind of quality time. Luckily for me I don’t fall in love without oceans of alone time together. So usually that’s a good filter.

The issue arises when someone wants to spend even more time with me (and I want it too) and that would mean leaving another partner in the dust or navigating a group dynamic.

I don’t think everyone can understand the need to be alone with someone. Some people just want to be in your presence. They just want to see your face.

You have to be clear. I have been known to say no babe I’d rather not see you at all than waste time like that. Let me know when you want to see me alone. I’ve also arranged days and even trips so they start and end with what I need so I can manage the rest.

/r/polyamory Thread Parent