I know it's really hard. I had (have) to do the same thing. My ex does incredibly self-destructive things...it's absolutely the worst, I can't think too much about it or I get really upset. Here's an example: one night he decided to "celebrate" a job well done and a nice sum of cash in his pocket, by putting aside his sobriety and going to hang out at a bar, drinking. He came home at 3am with lumps all over his head and scalp, bleeding, with his belt, shoes, wallet, and all his money gone. He was so drunk he could barely tell me what happened. He'd gone into the worst part of town, drunk, by himself, looking for crack cocaine (he's a recovering addict), waving hundred dollar bills around in the street, daring "niggers" to show him how tough they were. He got beaten down with a baseball bat, robbed, and left for dead. I called the police, the ambulance came, tested him for concussion, we called his credit cards, cancelled them, found out that there were charges at a local fast-food drive through, apparently his assailants stopped for food after the beat-down.
This is the only instance where my ex did something like this in our relationship, but it's NOT the only time he's done something like this in his life. He's done it on 4 separate occasions, before I knew him, one such instance landed him in the hospital with chips of bone from his eye socket area floated around in / near his brain (from another solicited beat-down).
Can I stop him from doing this again? No. Do I wish I could? Yes.
Do I want to be the one who has to identify his smashed-in skull in the morgue one day? NO. Do I feel so sorry for him that I would give everything I have to help him? Yes. Will / has he ever accepted that help? NO. Will he ever change? He's 47 now, you tell me.
I can't do it. He broke up with ME, he clearly wants his own path. My trying to stop him, to "help" him, does nothing.
Only she can help herself. That's the reality.
damn, it sure sucked to have to write that out...it breaks my heart that these people are so fucked up...BUT I CAN'T GO DOWN WITH THEM. 6 years is long enough. If he's gonna kill himself, he will do it without me.