I’ve never posted in this sub, but I have taken a lot of comfort in your shares, feedback, and support.

I (35f) have been with my husband (38m) for over 15 years. We met young and certainly always had a spark. Eventually we started dating, but I knew I didn’t want to marry him; he was not driven and too much of a partier, whereas I enjoyed a party here and there but focused intensely on my studies. We ended up staying together for years and years. While I was finishing my PhD, he said that he wanted to get married for security with me (when you finish a doctorate- you essentially have to move). We got married after 11 years together and moved across the country. We now own a beautiful home together and often have a lot of fun.

However- he drinks constantly and A LOT (usually 18-25 beers a night). He will not go someplace if he cannot drink there. He stops for drink on his way home from work. He has fallen down stairs, braking bones and teeth (and windows). He has embarrassed me countless times. I’ve set some boundaries like no drinking Tuesday and Wednesday (down from Monday-Friday) and before noon on Saturday and Sunday (which is always met with an excuse). When he wakes up drunk on a Saturday morning, I get such a sick feeling, especially hearing that beer crack at 8 am. Weekends are one long, painful bender where I also end up drinking because it’s the only way I can cope. I don’t love him when he’s sloppy hammered, and during the week he is a shell of a human trying to just get to his next drink. I don’t know what to do. I feel cold writing this out, but I know how supportive this group is. I don’t even know what I want, and I’ve hidden some of the more painful facts. Maybe this was just an exercise in writing this out while he yells at me because I don’t want to watch the movie that he does. I just feel like we both deserve more.