it just hit me so hard tonight out of nowhere. I’ve been shutting all those feelings out for a month now, but then these past few days I’ve been happier = more emotional. laughing more and all that. including today. but then I end up reading a conversation while being this emotional and now I feel like I’m losing my mind completely. I’m sleep deprived too so the anxiety is killing me. I just want to sleep, deal with the nightmares and then wake up tomorrow with a clearer head. but obviously it’s not working and I don’t have sleeping pills or anything anymore. how am I supposed to handle all of this shit. and I can’t talk to anyone because I don’t know how to, so then I mess even more things up and feel even worse