This'll definitely get buried, but I think I need to get this out...

Dating my last two ex girlfriends. I'm left a complete and utter broken mess who freaked out and had a panic attack at the sight of one of them last week.

I have a history of depression and when shit hits the fan and I go down into the black depths of my mind I eventually bounce back. It's coming up to a year soon since I broke up with the craziest one of the two and I'm still not properly over her I can't go a day without thinking about the shit she's done. She to this day cyber stalks me and most recently messaged me on Valentine's Day even though we'd been broken up almost 9 months.

The other one decided it would be great to get engaged 2 weeks after broke up.

I can't stand the person they've left me. Anxious, depressed, angrier than I've ever been before and they've left me with these behavioural things that I can't quite shake.

2016 and the start of this year have been some of the worst of my life and that's saying something. I don't trust myself opening up to dating anytime soon since, women have come the closest to breaking me since that school bully of mine got the rest of my grade to gang up and bully me as a collective driving me to attempt suicide, or since my biological father didn't give a shit enough of my well-being and verbally abused me in front of my school when I asked for clothes because my single mother could barely afford food on the table, or when my alleged "friends" decided to sit there and torment me my high school years and because of my previous school experience I thought it was normal, I do know the sum of these few experiences of many have given me insight to how shit humans can be.

Or maybe I've reached breaking point and I can't take being emotionally manipulated and people trying to control my life anymore.

I just think I needed to get this off my chest to some people on the internet who don't know who I am.....