I'm in a terrible relationship and every day feels lonelier than the last.

She makes me feel worthless, she doesn't allow me to have any friends, and we stopped having sex several years ago. It's actually much worse than that - that sentence kind of sounded like "lol welcome to average married male", but there's no point in elaborating too much. If my phone makes the notification sound, she shoots me a nasty look but I truthfully tell her that it's just spam email. She has several friends, but when I confront her about it she just tells me that they aren't "real" friends. It seems wrong that she goes wherever she wants all day long, but if I leave to pick up something to eat and I'm not home before she gets back, suddenly I'm Hitler and all her friends have to know it.

My life is mostly going to work, coming home, taking care of some chores, and sitting alone until whenever she decides to come back home with our kid. Our kid is basically the only reason I'm alive. I've had low self esteem for my entire life (which I've always blamed on my controlling father), so I never had the balls to leave her. Now that we have the kid, my choices are to either deal with it or jump off a building. Every day feels like a struggle to get out of bed, face a job I don't particularly like, and come home to either an empty house or a screaming SO.

I feel like every piece of my being wants to experience some kind of intimacy. I want to feel some sort of emotional and/or physical connection with someone. It feels like some important need that I have as a human being not only isn't being fulfilled, but my SO has always tried to make me feel selfish or stupid for it.

So what do I do to keep my sanity? I spend most of my evenings watching ASMR videos.