Can we just admit weddings and baby showers and shit are sheer narcissism

eh, I don't know about that. I think you're imagining $26,000 being spent frivolously on little wedding details like a limo etc. That's not the case, at least not where I'm from. For $20,000 I'm barely able to feed and provide drinks for my guests, along with the basic wedding essentials like fucking stamps and a secondhand dress, rental suits... Centerpieces from the dollar store etc.

Sure if you have a $26,000 wedding where you don't feed anyone but spend half the budget on your clothes, hair and photography I'd agree with you. But I wouldn't call a regular budget narcissism. It's more of an obligation/"thank you for coming and celebrating my marriage" gift for the guests. I can't imagine the shit fit I'd be pitched if I only spent $1000 on my wedding because it was just dressing up myself and the groom and none of my guests needs were looked after. The party is for them, not me. I'd sooner go without.

If you wanted to throw your buddy a "congrats on the PHD" party where you paid for everyone's food and drinks it would likely come out to a similar budget and I don't think anyone would think it was over the top unless you told them the price tag. It would feel pretty damn average.