It feels like the world is on a predetermined line of increasing shittiness and no one has any agency over this thing. There's just a big puppet show where everyone is getting dragged along by their strings to some hopeless end. This shudders through the culture, our individual life paths, the economy, our politics, and so on. I've done a lot to cope with this but it feels like stuffing a rotting corpse in my walls, I know it's there. I feel generally railroaded and above all guilt. I hate feeling like everything must be optimized or justified by some alien calculus. I just want to choose something for it's own sake, and to inflict myself on the world.

I think that's my you see a lot of repressed admiration for what the Taliban have done. People can see clearly for once that it is possible to create something in your own image. Even if it is a dominating, and cruel thing.