I'm not very articulate and tend to rely on anecdote to help others so forgive me. My experience with therapy left me with this impression: It can be a great jumpstart for feeling better but it's not for everyone. It doesn't work unless you absolutely surrender yourself to the process and kind of sucks to depend on long term. They don't want you only depending on you within a couple weeks or months or even years.

Think of yourself as a passenger in a car that's being driven by your therapist and only they know where you're going and when you'll get there. At first, it feels nice for someone else to take the wheel so you don't have to but you can't get out or take a turn driving. Maybe some people feel comfortable not having control but I didn't.

The thing that helped me from our sessions was just figuring out my problems as I talked about them. He could ask just the right question to make me realize something about myself. If you can't afford therapy, just having a good listener can help a ton. Even if it's someone online.

Gender is a broad spectrum. I'm a girl, love looking like one and only am attracted to guys but I don't relate to other women at all. I hate their voices, their interests, their personalities. I just don't understand them. I feel genderless. I think a lot of people don't like being their gender or having all the traits of them. Im so sorry you are in a body you don't relate to.

Id be happy to write to you and let you vent to me.