Maybe I'm getting off topic replying to this. I don't mean for them to have a say in everything. Of course kids have unreasonable wants sometimes. But in my experience, sure, kids go off to college and have their own lives, and that's how it should be, but the parents can't leave the kids, whereas they can and do leave each other. Does that makes sense? You can leave your wife or your husband because "He's inconserade, she never apologizes... etc. etc" but you can never give up on a kid like that. Of course you shouldn't set up rankings in your heart, but I've always felt that for emotional things like this the kids' feelings are more important. They shouldn't get to decide all the time, but I've always felt that they should be involved in heavier things like this.