Here's what you're not understanding though. The fear of loss is stronger than the desire to gain. I'm not making this up. When someone is cheating they don't believe they will get caught. The desire to gain is stronger in this case because risk is low. However when caught, the fear of loss takes over because risk is imminent. But not always - especially in cases where the betrayed handle it wrong by showing too much compassion, neediness and wanting to fix things. Especially if they are physically unattractive, not confident, etc. Then you're screwed. In other words, if you have little value and stay that way, it's going to be a poor outlook for you.

This is the pivotal point where most betrayed spouses mess up. They become needy and want to fix things. Wrong. This is where you will fight against the biochemical reactions you speak of. By doing this you pose no risk.

So what happens when you detach and move on after you find out you've been betrayed? What happens when you make a physical transformation in a short period of time physically? What happens when you focus on self improvement? What happens when your spouse who betrayed you is noticing others noticing you - even hitting on you? In many cases it's a biochemical reaction occurs that is stronger than the attraction and infatuation they had for the other person.

It's because the fear of loss outweighs the desire to gain. However in order for them to experience this fear of loss, you can't be a fat and lazy weakling sitting on the couch crying all day and being needy. That's not attractive, and it's not going to win over a cheating spouse.

Either way it's a win. If you value yourself more, and increase your value - you have a better chance. And if you don't work it out with them, you have a better chance with someone else because you improved yourself.