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Is this where you post this? i don't know sorry

This is probably going to be really rambly because I saw a tweet on twitter with the hashtag #BellLetsTalk -- which is basically a hashtag dedicated to raising awareness re: mental illness + they donate 5 cents every time you hashtag, so.

I don't know where else to put this, but it's kind of a self-indulgent #success story if I'm being very honest, so if you're not into that, please close this because I am embarrassed even after just typing this out.

So. uh. I have ADHD-PI, I guess. I was diagnosed three years ago after being referred from like two psychiatrists who thought I was depressed or something.

And I was pretty much going in and out of hospitals for about two years then because I was just sick all the time. My life wasn't going great. I moved countries (and subsequently, schools) and then I found out I had to retain/repeat the year because I was

  1. too stupid
  2. too sick

and of course that sucked. Idk. I'm Asian, and all the stereotypes about getting good grades and stuff definitely rang true then.

Whenever I was brought up in a conversation re: my school situation, my parents would laugh nervously and pretend that I was, you know, not repeating the year or whatever. Which sucks, cause you'd think your parents would be the ones to Support You Through Tough Times™.

(I don't hold any grudges towards them now, but I was an angsty teenager then and, well, you know.)

My life was going to shit. I didn't fit in in my new school, got my first boyfriend etc, he stopped talking to me and two weeks later after he'd stopped, he was dating this super pretty girl, etc, etc, etc, life sucks, etc. I was still sick then, too, and having to call the hospital your second home wasn't something I was exactly proud of.

And, uh, I don't know how to put this, but I have (had?) a history with self-harm, so of course all that stuff happened. Nobody knew for about 3 months because sweaters became my best friend, but once my parents found out, they freaked. Rightfully so, I guess.

My mom was desperate to get rid of the scarring--which proved to be practically impossible, because they formed keloids. Still, she spent hundreds of dollars on injections trying to get rid of them. They didn't work, but, whatever.

I started seeing a therapist -- prior to that, I saw a psychiatrist once every few months for ADHD medication. The months on medication were the worst and the best months of my life.

At the beginning, I finally felt like, well, a functioning person. I remembered things. I didn't feel stupid every five seconds. Or whatever. I got good grades.

After that, though, I kind of fell into a downward spiral where I would make up some bullshit about needing a higher dosage to my psychiatrist. Long story short, it got out of control and I decided to quit completely.

My IGCSE exams (i.e. end of secondary school education) were kind of...there. And I had chosen the worst possible time to be all like HAHA JOKES ON U I DONT NEED MEDICATION LEL. But I did it, I guess.

I've rambled on long enough, but what I'm trying to say is that I think I beat my ADHD. Like. I got 5 A*s, 1 A, and 3 Bs. I don't know. That may be an average result for a bunch of people out there, but I honestly thought I would have failed everything, so.

I'm still ecstatic a week after my results have been out. I'm so sorry this was so long.

tl;dr: i fucked up but then i didn't

/r/ADHD Thread