The absolute shock and disbelief that I felt when he kissed me.

I spent my whole life being told that I had to settle because I wasn't pretty, and then also being told that I was too much like a boy to be attractive to men on top of that. I didn't want to settle, so I'd internalized the idea that I was never going to have a boyfriend and would die alone, etc etc. I was so convinced that that was the case that I missed every signal he sent, dismissed every hint as misinterpretation and "seeing things" and so on. I was totally convinced that this guy was just a friend and would never be anything more because he was so completely out of my league. I mean I couldn't even daydream about him without laughing at myself. It just did not fucking occur to me at all that he was interested.

One evening after spending the day together we went to a park and sat on the grass to talk for a while. I think he was just frustrated at that point because I wasn't picking up on anything, so he straight up kissed me.

This guy was the hottest fucking thing. He was 6'1". Broad shoulders, strong arms, six pack abs, beautiful ass (thank god for squats). He had dirty blond hair, green eyes, light freckles on his nose and shoulders and I mean, I just wanted to sit on his dick every time I looked at him, he was perfect.

I remember going through this mental checklist as it happened. "Am I dreaming? No. Am I high? No. Am I drunk and actually kissing an ugly guy? No."

That whole relationship was incredible, he was one of the most amazing men I have ever been with. I learned from him that I didn't have to settle, and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. He will always have a special place in my heart for that.

^{and for that gorgeous butt}