I was in a situation where my gf and I had sex for the first time and I think I wasn’t 100% ready and I think she called me out on it. Either I was nervous or wasn’t totally there because I like foreplay a lot, but it made me really anxious afterwards. I had been in plenty of sexual relationships before and never experienced that 1. Trauma of not performing when I wanted, and 2. The worry that it translated into her not getting or feeling how she wants and me feeling like I’m the problem. I became so nervous and ashamed of that happening again that sometimes I’d avoid it, and it gave us a lot of problems, and wrecked both our self esteems and eventually our relationship ended. I truly loved my girlfriend and even tho we still had good sex over the course of our relationship, I had to fight the anxiety I’d get when I felt like I had to meet an expectation to be ready for sex, instead of just going with the motions like sex should be.

Perhaps if we both weren’t hurting from and tried to be more understanding and work through it better, things could’ve changed.

You seem to be in a great emotional place with your partner, and I’m wondering if he may be feeling the things I felt when I had the first time not go as planned. We put pressure on ourselves to perform well and idk maybe establish with our partners that we’re good at it, and that fuses with being a good boyfriend, etc.

I guess first try to have that conversation about how he may be feeling, I think doing that and reassuring how you feel about him may open him up to what is bothering him or how sexual he may be or what he prefers. I would imagine regardless, he’d feel anxious about approaching sex again if he doesn’t feel confident in it.

A next step possibly could be him getting a small prescription of viagra or something. If he could have something to help the physical part of anxiety induced ED, that maybe could help him overcome the mental part. I did that after my relationship ended and it really helped get my confidence back.

Hope this is helpful perspective, and I hope you two can find a way to move forward! I’m sure you will