I am in a worse place. I was completely happy in life with a wonderful girlfriend but I screwed it up.

I went through a horrible break up. My relationship was three years. We lived in a nice house with a garden and big yard. My ex gained some weight which made me feel less attracted to her but I still loved her very much.

I realized my mistake fast and went back to my ex to live happily ever after. However, she had already met someone which left me totally devastated. Like what we had wasn't worth getting back together for. I begged her to come back. She would give me all these outrageous demands that I'd have to prove to her that I changed. Etc. All the while she had her new boyfriend. Pretty much lost everyone in my life because all the friends sided with her and I was so lonely from it.

I got so depressed that I drank heavily. Started hooking up with anyone to fill this giant void. I just wanted to feel desired and valuable again. And by anyone I mean I finding myself on my knees in front of a divorced older man I barely knew. I am not gay but I just wanted to feel safe again and I guess what better way to feel safe than with a bigger strong man. Then in the morning I'd be hung over and hate myself. I'd be so worried about someone finding out. Had plenty of nights I regret. It's been a while since we broke up and some days I still miss her and the life we had. But it's gone and never coming back.

In the end, it doesn't matter. You'll just need to learn to move forward. Find a hobbie you like. Go to meet ups. Just force yourself to get out of the house as much as possible.