Antiques Roadshow, Lake Snaatchmahoochie, MI, May 2013
Setting: Storage area. Appraisal of piece number 2377
"Hey Claire... We don't have anything on this piece. Its not gonna get featured", Troy casually remarked as he walked past the cluttered table. Claire looked up from her laptop and stared at the piece.
"It abso-fucking-lutely will be featured", she said, still staring at the piece. "This is gonna blow up the internet tomorrow"
"What...?!", Troy stopped and turned around. "Twenty minutes ago, this thing was in the reject heap and now suddenly its the second coming of the Navajo First Phase Blanket?"
"This, my dear...", Claire gestered at the piece and paused for dramatic effect as Troy rolled his eyes and braced himself for the tsunami of exaggeration, history, pomposity and adjectives. "This is a piece that has borne witness to every major event in the arc of modern history"
"So did Peter O'Toole's penis". Troy crossed his arms and let out an exasperated sigh. "Just give me the details, Claire. Without the theatrics... Please? I mean...There's no identifying marks, not even a clue as to what this thing is".
"Until I found this". Claire leaned forward and turned the piece upside down.
"See this mark? Looks like a gash or scratch, but it is the sixth letter of the Hindi alphabet, not the modern Devanagiri script, but medieval Transitional Brahmi style, circa 1630-1670. Predominantly used in Western India during that time. The material is cast and machined bronze and Misal wood. The mark identifies the Sambhal Foundry of Sattara, near present-day Bombay. They were master craftsmen and metalworkers and machining of Bronze was their expertise and trade secret until the Industrial Revolution rendered it obsolete. Misal is a tree that grows exclusively in the Western Coast, or I should say was since the British logged it to extinction in the late 19th century. The wood is very similar to teak, but has a much richer and deeper veneer and ages to a beautiful weathered patina".
"Veneer and patina". Troy remarked. "I'm listening..."
"Besides their machining skills, only the Sambhal Foundry has known to do mixed media pieces, wood and metal in this case and they were very good at it". Claire leaned back and put her fingers together, giving her an air of credibility.
"Before I give you the customer's backstory on this, what exactly is this ?", Troy frowned.
"See the horn motifs on the sides ? Those represent Nandi, the sacred Bull and the vehicle of Shiva, the Hindu god. The feet are shaped like the root flares of the Misal tree, which had a unique geometric pattern. According to Hindu tradition and beliefs, the Misal tree's root flares represent the feet of the Lord Shiva as he descended from the heavenly mountains of Himalayas, took a mortal form in the Earth and defeated the evil forces in the War of the Seven Seas".
"Nice. So... this piece is...?". Troy was impatient.
"Ceremonial bowl that held the holy waters of the River Ganges. Used by the Royal Priests of the Maratha Kingdom for the coronation ceremony. The Bronze represented strength, valor and courage. The wood represented compassion, humility and community. Only three were known to exist - one for each of the three Maratha Kings. One was lost to a fire in 1903, when the Governor General's office in Harare burned down. The other was destoryed when the German cruiser Emden shelled the Madras coast in 1914. This is the last surviving Maratha Coronation Vessel and it looks pristine. Like the King's coronation just happened yesterday". Claire looked up at Troy with a smug look.
"And you figured all this out in twenty minutes ?", Troy asked.
"I didn't. I had a hunch about this based on pieces I'd seen through the years. I just texted a picture to Rahul Bose at the Waltair Museum and he sent me back this". Claire showed her phone as Troy bent down to see a picture of an old Mughal painting, depicting the coronation ceremony of an Indian King and the distinctive bowl in front of him, holding the crown immersed in the holy waters of the River Ganges.
"Daaaamnnn...! I'm impressed, Claire. What's the rough value on this ?"
"Well... The Marathas, their history, accomplishments and fierce resistance to the British occupation are highly popular in India right now. India's business tycoons have been engaged in an aggressive "bring it home" campaign for historic and symbolic pieces that were expropriated by the British and the Dutch. There is major bragging rights and political capital being earned from these achievements. While some are repatriated, most items in private hands have to be bought off auctions. A 6th Century bronze idol just went back home for 6 million. With the right publicity, this could easily top 10 million".
Troy's jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "YOU'RE SHITTING ME...!"
"Nope. This is not the second coming of the Navajo Blanket. This is Blanket times ten. This is and will be The Maratha Coronation Bowl. This is the new standard and nothing else will come close to it ever again in the Roadshow, at least not in my lifetime"
"OHMYGAWD! Claire, you better not be bullshitting me on this...", Troy was sweating. "Are you sure ?"
"Abso-fucking-lutely", Claire replied with a stern, serious and sincere look on her face.
"Dafuck you two screwing around for ?! Where's the damn appraisal on that Ludmiller vase?!", Matilde bellowed as she walked up to the table.
Claire and Troy looked up in fear and reverence at the foul-mouthed matriarch. "Matilde, you gotta see this. This could be even bigger than the Navajo Blanket", Troy squealed in excitement and held up the piece.
Matilde shot a menacing look at Claire and examined the piece for a few seconds. She removed her glasses and looked at Troy.
"Let me guess. 18th century piece from India. Last one in existence, others destroyed by fire, tsunami or whatever. Hmm...?"
"Yes ! Actually, 17th century. Maratha Coronation Piece. Claire thinks it could do 10 million!", Troy was excited.
Matilde gritted her teeth and glared at Troy. She pulled out a billfold from her jeans, threw a twenty on the table in front of Claire and walked off grumbling curses under her breath.
Claire tried to control her laughter as she pocketed the twenty. "Aw c'mon Troy...! You gotta admit I had you there for a few. Don't look so butthurt, man. C'mon, lunch is on me. You choose..."
Troy was feeling let down. He turned to Claire and asked "How many times have you pranked Interns like this ?"
"Between Matilde and me, oh... maybe two or three a year over the last twenty years...? Usually, we swear the Intern to secrecy and carry on the charade for a long time. Couple years ago, I even handed a BB gun to an intern and asked her to stand guard next to a piece for two days. Matilde's been menopause cranky this year, so I try and keep it short"
"Ha. Ha. Very funny, Claire", Troy tried to sound annoyed, but couldn't hide his amusement at all this. "What is this thing anyways ?"
"This is actually Thai. Mid 19th century. Rubberwood, most likley from Narthawat province near the Malaysian border. 50 bucks", Claire said. "100 if you get a nice whale".
"Oh... That certainly lines up with the customer's backstory. She said her grandfather was a British diplomat and advisor to the King of Siam during the early 1900's and it had been passed down through her mother. A gift from the King, perhaps...?"
"Umm... No...? Shit! I didn't realize the history went back that far. Listen, make sure this doesn't get featured. You understand ?", Claire looked worried.
"Okay. But why ? It's just a bowl...", Troy was curious.
"No shit Einstein! Yes. It's just a bowl. But it is also a Tobacco spittoon commonly used in the eunuch brothels of Khon Khaen. So I'd rather not make the vague insinuation on national TV that grandpa Sir Whatshisface, Baron of Bumfuckshire was boinking Thai ladyboys in 1900s. Send it back. Quietly. Capisce ?"
"Si Signora", Troy saluted and walked away.