Cameras A, B, and C turned to them. The lightning team gave a thumps up. Cue in the music, one of them yelled. And.. we're rolling!
"Welcome back to the Late late, Late, Late, Late Night Show - I'm your host, Conan O' Barbarian. With me today is the great - what is your name again, sir?"
"Dicaprio. Leo Dicaprio. I had sex with Kate Winslet in Titanic."
"Guess I was distracted by something else in that scene." Rrrarr. The audience hysterically laughed.
The international star smiled. Conan quickly followed up: "How did you find the Oscars this year? Were you satisfied with the winners? How was it? Did you get drunk? Why was Terrence Howard crying? Will you convince my wife I'm secretly Marlon Brando?"
"You know, I never understood the whole Oscars thing. I've been invited to them every single year since Gilbert Grape, and this year I finally went to see what was all the buzz about."
"Well, what'd you think?"
"Are you kidding me? I followed the directions they gave me and ended up in a McDonald's bathroom filled with confetti. There was confetti everywhere, and someone had graffiti'd 'Oscars 2015' on a stall. Someone even wiped their ass with the Best Foreign Films envelope. Literary smeared with shit. It was disastrous. I suspect it was Larry King."
Conan O' Barbarian stared at him, shaking his head. The audience exploded in ear-splitting laughter once again, and for a second, everyone feared the studio would collapse.
"I don't get it. Why is everyone laughing?" he asked.
"Sorry to tell ya, but you got duped, my friend. Duped." the talk show host remarked. The audience rose in unison, looked at each other, and suddenly collapsed in uncontrollable laughter, fumbling around the floor. Foam erupted from their mouths, choking them. Bryan Cranston stood in the shadows watching.
"But Hugh Jackman was there! I saw him re-fill his coca cola cup every fifteen minutes!"
"Are you sure it wasn't just the local hobo?"
"Yeah, yeah, well, that makes a lot of sense. Lindsay Lohan was also there, though it probably was her," DiCaprio pondered.
"You mean she was Lo-han drugs? Get it? Low on drugs?"
No one laughed.
Conan O' Barbarian stood from his seat. He cleared his throat. "YOU HAVE MEDDLED WITH THE FORCES OF NATURE, MR. DICAPRIO, AND I WON'T HAVE IT." He drew a pistol from his desk and as he pulled the trigger another shot came flying from the back of the studio, penetrating the host's skull.
Leonardo DiCaprio jumped from his seat, panting.
"Heisenberg!" he screamed.
"You're goddamn right."