"Is there anything else you will need for the journey?”
“This should do it. Bow, the arrows, spear, saber, buckler, dinner. Some wine to calm me down would be nice.” I replied fatuously.
“How funny. You know the king will never allow that,” my wife rebutted.
“Of course, and not even to help protect his kingdom from the Sarcastasaur.”
“Listen to me. After your brother, or uhm, my first husband, Jimbo died, I was shattered. I cannot bear that pain again. I love you. I hope you will be the first to return with his head,” she said.
“So do I. And even though I was forced to marry you by law after his death, I am determined to be the last warrior the kingdom sends to fight the Sarcastasaur. This kingdom has sent its finest warriors to their deaths for decades, and it’s time I put an end to that. The time for rotting here in the village is over. Maybe I die like my brother and father. Maybe I kill the beast and return to help with the harvest. It’s in destinies’ hands now.”
She kissed my cheek as I said goodbye, and the hundreds of villagers kneeled down as a token of respect, as I had done for my brother, father, and countless others before me. And so began the three hour journey to the Sarcastasaur’s cave.
As I walked along the well worn stone roads, which, after a couple hours walk merged with thinner, less traveled dirt roads, my perception of myself revolved from a valiant young warrior, determined to protect his kingdom from tyranny; to the “what was I thinking” feeling you feel after doing something stupid; to feeling as foolish as the man who boasted something he could never do; and finally, as I came within sight of the Sarcastasaur’s cave, my heart thumped faster than the drums played before the morning worship services we are forced to attend.
As I approached the dark mouth of the cave, now being about fifty yards away, I drew my bow from my back, gently loaded an arrow, and pulled back the string halfway. The smoke of the monster’s fire hugged the rocks of the cave as it rose.
As I cautiously edged nearer, I paused behind a small sage brush to observe the activity in the cave. To my dismay, there appeared several jovial men sitting round the fire drinking and watching a pig roast. Sitting with his back resting on the cave next to the men, rested a beast which towered over the men, even while sitting. The beast had a head the size of a witches’ cauldron, legs as thick as oak trees, with arms as hard as an anvil, complete with a face to match the ugliest witch in the land. This must be the fabled Sarcastasaur, whose stories of terror have kept countless children awake through the night in horror.
The laughter of the men and beast was truly unexpected. Was Sarcastasaur bidding his time before he slaughtered the men? I studied the scene before me in agonized confusion. There was something familiar about the tone of the laughter. I’ve heard it before. But where? I glanced deeper into the faces of each of the men. And there resting with his side to me, was my brother Jimbo whom I haven’t seen since he departed to fight the Sarcastasaur ten years before me. But why is he in the cave of the Sarcastasaur?
I decided that if my brother is in league with the beast, it cannot be too bad. I decided to slowly proceed forwards and reveal myself to the group. As I did, someone in the group pointed in my direction, and my eyes and Jimbo’s locked for the first time in a decade. I was too shocked to mutter anything.
“George! You made it!” Jimbo exclaimed.
“Wha-. How..”
“Relax. I know exactly how you feel. We all do. It turns out we’ve all been lied to.”
The rest of the group of men walked out of the cave to greet me, my father being one of them.
“Dad!”
“Hi George.” My father said as we wrapped arms.
“But what about the Sarcastasaur?”
“Every one of use has felt the same as you do now when we learned the truth about the Sarcastasaur. I’m sure you have many questions. But it turns out that, he isn’t such a bad guy after all. All the childhood horror stories I told you were wrong. I apologize, but I didn’t know any better.” My father’s soothing explanation came as a relief.
“George, listen.” my brother started. “The sarcastasaur is the kindest being you will ever meet. He kills wild boars for us, helps build our homes, and he throws feasts every night here in the cave. There’s dozens of women that live with us. He lets us live as kings.” Jimbo said as the Sarcastasaur waved to me, to which I awkwardly waved back.
“But, why didn’t you come back then?” I asked.
“Honestly, who would want to? Do you want to go back to farming the king’s land sixteen hours a day? Do you want to have a quarter of your wages garnished for tax every year? We have everything anyone could ever dream of here. If we returned home, then the whole village would come here and ruin everything. So our ancestors decided hundreds of years ago that the best warrior of the town should face the Sarcatasaur once a year.”
“And, not one decided to return?” I asked.
“So far, none. You would be the first,” Jimbo replied.
“I think I’ll stay. I just sure as hell don’t want to go back to my wife again.”