She looked at me from across the sofa, dressed in the most beautiful clothes I've seen. Her scraggy metallica top, her torn leggings, and her flats, her red - brown hair was messy and her make up barely applied. All I could concentrate on was those grey - blue eyes, the ones that once looked deep in to my soul, and surgically took it apart to show who I really was.
My anxiety and depression had been fighting with my hope and happiness, in a struggled war that shook my body and left visible wounds. She had made me the happiest man on Earth, when I met her in college, she made me feel emotions I hadn't really come to feel before, both of us damaged by past lives, heartbreak and desperation, we clicked.
The few months we spent together were beautiful, sex that made us feel whole, locked in a dance of love and emotion, my bed was our castle, and I was the king. The crown I wore had thorns that dug into me, reminding me of my toll. I knew it would only be a matter of time before I felt the emotion that I knew so well, so I made the most of it, making her mine. At college, we bonded, and we were the dream couple people looked up to be, role models.
The cinema trip lasted so long, and we became the mortals we feared to be after this trip, with her ice cold stare and my jealousy and anger blended inside, becoming the horrible mess that would become my character. I became her nightmare, and she was still my hopes and dreams. My love for her was out of spite, and her hatred for me was out of my past.
The loneliness I felt when we were together was overpowering, sex was nothing more than a chore now, something we both had to take part in. No side won. The cage I built for her had surrounded and was becoming smaller, and smaller and smaller, and all I could think of was how lucky I was. She was my raven, and I was her master.
The streets we walked were paved with pyrite, it's shine tricking us as we walked, and all I could think of was other men who were my threats, the controlling person I'd become broke her spirit and destroyed her from the inside out.
The disgusting thing I'd become became once more that man she met, the innocence and love I felt came rushing back, but she had none for me. There was someone else. I could fight no more, no more could I hold the key that kept this beautiful girl in my grip. The hopelessness that I'd felt when I said those words came crashing down and destroyed my foundations, I felt no more than a lost boy, looking at the treasure he could not have, the treasure he could not bear to carry on his shoulders. I opened the cage and she flew free, far away from the vicious world I'd concocted for us.
I let her go.
Love is a heartless war where no one wins, especially not the tyrants that create it.