'You ever smoked a 'nana?'

The guard glanced nervously at me, then looked away, shaking his head.

'Yeah. See. That's your problem. Maybe if you did you wouldn't be such an uptight- well. Anyway. The slammer is pretty good, know what I'm saying? We have things sorted here. Been here years, 'course. But we don't appreciate people messing around with what we've got here. Understand what I'm saying?'

The guard nodded again.

'Well, see, you're a clever one. Been here....fifteen years, never had a smart one before. Smart people don't come down here, see? So maybe you're not as smart as I thought. Fifteen years in here and I've made this place pretty good. Got my mates. Got my trees. Got my tire swing.'

I leaned forward and the guard was shaking slightly.

'Good thing about the rope swing- ever heard of necklacking? Yeah. A mate got it in twelve years ago. I like you, you know. Wouldn't want to have to set that tire on fire and stuff it round your neck and watch you die a horrible, painful death. Would be a waste of a tire swing and a waste of a friend. Know what I mean? We can be friends. Do each other a few favours. Got in here thanks to a friend who decided my favours weren't good enough and did a bit of dirty dealing behind my back. Tried to turn me into the police. You know where my friend is now? Well, neither do the cops. You groom my silverback, I'll groom yours. Stab me in the back, I will make you wish you were dead and your kids will die having nightmares with my face in them. Get what I'm saying?'

The guard vaguely thought that this gorilla was overusing that phrase a bit too much, and I could see him frowning. Then nodding, swallowing thickly.

'We have an understanding, then? Cool.'

I turned away and grinned at Jackson. For a howler monkey, was a pretty good room mate.