Isn't it nice when you realize it? A year and a half ago I was busy being numb to everything and saying to myself, "No, it's not that bad. I'm not like those depressed people. I can get out of bed."

Then you realize you've steadily become numb to reality and that's the only reason you haven't killed yourself, but oh boy, do you think about it daily.

Then emotions start coming back and with them, memories of childhood and the past.

And then you are extraordinarily fucked because you remember being 4 years old and in the kindergarten toilets wishing that you could stop existing and the only thing really holding you back was being afraid of going to Hell.

Shit, I wish I was numb again. That and that I could forget again.