i know youre reading this, send me a message

I'll try to list some of the things going on with me:

no diagnosis of depression very good at hiding how I feel don't feel comfortable talking in depth to anyone about how I feel don't fit in anywhere diagnosis of aspergers went to aspergers support group didn't relate very much to anyone there thought I might be a psychopath/sociopath don't relate very much to them either don't find anything interesting only ever do anything because I've lied for too long about finding stuff interesting strongly suspect girlfriend of cheating don't want to lose her because she is my only real friend she's not a real friend, she lies about what she does and I lie about how I feel about everything family know nothing about me, I live with them but I'm completely alienated from them have infrequent mild mental breakdowns have infrequent waves of what I think is depression I have people who call me their "friend" and occasionally invite me out places don't want to go, I don't fit in with them don't want to lose them even as acquaintances who I don't spend time with not motivated to do anything concentration issues everything I do is just to distract me from feeling completely empty waste the day on the internet tired all day awake all night on the internet probably spend approx 16-22 hours a day on the internet trying to find distractions can never find anything that truly makes me feel good no real relationships with people, so can't get drugs terrified of talking to anyone need a job can't concentrate or get motivated to look for a job often use aspergers to explain why I behave in certain ways to family family tell me to stop using it as an excuse been inside for so long, I need sunglasses to go outside even on a dark day too weak to kill myself, too weak to keep living can't hold a job, will probably end up on the streets eventually wasted so much money on my girlfriend who I hate get bored of music so quickly that I can't find enough new music make stupid lists of things I can't formulate into proper sentences piles of books I want to read but never will don't want anything for my birthday family will get me stupid things I don't want and I will have to feign gratitude parents constantly blame me for costing them so much money have stupid intellect complex believe I'm more intelligent than everyone never like to test my intellect in case I'm wrong end result; never try anything because if I try, and I don't do well, I think I'm stupid and get angry hate new things because I'm bad at them never try anything new

/r/depression Thread