I'm asking myself the same thing. The truth is, and I'm this truth is based on myself and my situation so I'm sorry if it does not correlate with you... the truth is that it's all in your hands. If you're depressed, and sure, you are living the awful symptoms of depression, and life is harder for this reason... you know what it's like to be happy, and you miss being happy, and you know you are not happy, and you are in a void of shit, that you are molded in, and you don't know how you could eventually mold your self back into being happy and being at peace with yourself......... but, there's something at the root of this, and depression is the symptom of yourself having given up on tackling or facing and looking at this parasitical, evil, intimidating, weakening and tough matter. you subconsciously gave up long ago thinking it would be okay. but no, you actually fucked up. and the way to getting out of depression is to UN-FUCK UP what you fucked up, and this process is fucking intimidating, scary, anxiety-causing, so your body shuts you down involuntarily, it pollutes your days... why? cause this fuck up is not parallel, not lineated, not in correlation, does not abide to the rules of what it takes for you to be happy. your negative, insecure, weak ego has let down your soul and you are following a dead end, that's where you begin to get suicidal. i'm not saying that depression is not an illness, that anyone including myself who is in a depression is a coward and can snap out of it easily... depression is a symptom of your fuck up, and it is indeed a complex, sorrowing, disillusioning disease that unfortunately, because of your psychological traits, your consciousness and cerebral capacities is a victim to. but for one to overcome depression, he is one strong mother fucker. he has to climb all the way back up this slump of depression that is was not only involuntarily forced into, but that he has subconsciously LED himself into. for this one person to climb out of this fucking depression, he must climb out of this subconscious, and face this root and look at it straight to its eyes with ANGER and a wanting of REDEMPTION and a MISSION to DEFEND his TRUE SOUL that is intimidated and cornered to depression by this miscellaneous ROOT. that's why i never respected people who say "i have clinical depression, my life is a mess but it's not my fault, because i have clinical depression. so, i will keep on being depressed, and hopefully i'll eventually get out of this clinical depression. i feel very depressed, sad, and i hate myself, so leave my alone, i'm going back to bed." THAT PERSON IS ME. and I hate myself for being that person. but no longer, it's time to climb back up this shit i've put myself into. it will require therapy, it will require my effort, it will require exploring the world, it will require self-acceptance because hating yourself and comparing yourself and beating yourself down for not being at the top of his awful ladder is very intimidating and leads you back into your slump of shit. STEP BY STEP you will climb your way back to the top. and once you are far away from the depression, in tune with the day light, with your soul, knowing what you've been through, but also loving your self to death, having a good self-esteem after all the enriching experience you've gathered throughout the your journey up this ladder, LIVING and being happy while you're at it will be a piece of cake. i do sympathize those who are strong but have no control over what goes on around them, and they too will get through this, with time. and so will we, WITH TIME. because this fucking depression and these sort of realizations take TIME to realize.
anyways, i hope i didn't intimate you with this post, it's more of rant cause i'm upset with myself, but it speaks lot of truth in my opinion... i don't know what the fuck is going on, but i'll start taking small steps up this ladder. tomorrow, i'm going to the gym. every fucking day i'll start going to the gym, listening to podcasts, and try to stimulate my passions. it's so fucking difficult to take big steps, but the least i can do is take care of my body. a healthy and well-trained body is a positive thing about yourself, it is something you earn and is something to love yourself for. AND, for when i'm at a better place, my self esteem will have a bonus of a nice body and healthy face. step 1, look at yourself in the mirror and notice that you're looking good. and you then have slightly more confidence in yourself, and you feel more comfortable taking bigger steps, and BOOYA. YOU HAVE ACTIVATED YOURSELF AND THROUGH THIS ACTIVITY HAVE INDIRECTLY MADE YOURSELF TAKE A STEP FORWARD TOWARDS HAPPINESS. more of these steps is the next step.
my friend, you have a happy soul in you. you can't see it, but it's in you. love it. say hello to it, and try to do it a favor today.
this may not at all apply to you, and i'm so sorry if this is unhelpful and i come off as an asshole ranting on his own issues... and it's true. i'm posting this for myself. but your post has triggered and inspired me to write all of this, and this is a positive step forward for me, a psychological step. if i do come off as an asshole, downvote this, and i'll probably delete it in 24 hours and note this for myself and engrave it to my memory and psychology.
have a good day, my friend. try to do one good thing for yourself. if you are suicidal, NO. just say NO to that idea, and try to look at the opposite direction, as hard as it may be. don't look directly at the sun, but open up the blinds a bit, and embrace the sunlight, face that fear. fucking depression turning us into vampires, intolerant to the sunlight, and when we are exposed to the sunlight, (the sun being the root of all depression) it fucking shuts us down, except that this illness is an illness that we can FIGHT. so, fight it. otherwise, 2-3 years, just like myself, will turn in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, and you will die unhappy, wishing you would have done something earlier. (again, sorry, sort of speaking to myself.)
love you