girl you are deserving of this man's love. I'm so sorry that you were raped and I'm so sorry that it hurt you. You're one badass survivor to go through all the things you have and to keep kicking and keep trying to better yourself. The things you're doing are acts of self-respect and self-love. You just gotta match your words and thoughts to that! You're already on the right track and you already recognize that these thoughts aren't healthy.
Your reality has been shaped so long by negativity that its your default and you gotta get out of it.
Stop writing negative things about yourself, and stop saying them out loud. You don't have to be positive, just don't say and write negative things. At this stage, you'll probably still think them, but you'll be more aware. DO NOT SAY THEM OUT LOUD, DO NOT WRITE THEM DOWN.
Once you can comfortably not say anything negative, try saying one positive thing everyday, or writing down one positive thought about yourself. Doesn't have to be appearance, but can be. "i like my eye colour." "i beat my personal best for deadlifts"
FIGHT THE NEGATIVITY! a thought comes in "my boyfriend thinks i'm boring" and then fight it with reality "well, he must like me because he just listened to me talk for hours/spent all weekend with me/showed me off to his friends"
Fake it til you make it. This will be hard at first but it will become easier as you make a habit out of it and soon you'll be thinking positively about yourself without forcing it!
A good tip for spotting negative thoughts: If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it about yourself!
I really think seeing a therapist would help you with not just your boyfriend-related anxieties and insecurities, but in other aspects of your life, too. You talk about not having the time, but therapy can be as much time as you want it to be. Maybe you can switch your schedule around and go once a month for 2 hours?