So 2 weeks ago, I suggested a 2 week separation. She didn't want to because she said she wouldn't like not knowing what I'm doing.

This statement just blew me away. When you inform her of your fears, of your wishes, she simply sees how it will affect her, She's concerned with how your actions impact her. She sounds narcissistic.

Someone who says they love you, but constantly find fault in everyhing around them... Who sees things as 'my way or the highway' and who places their emotional well-being on others' shoulders (IE you're an adult man who cannot leave the house after 9:30 because of her anxiety over long past events -- You should never be responsible for constantly solving someone else's anxiety, especially a detriment to yourself.) DOES NOT TRUST YOU and, again, sees this as your fault.

This situation seems less about inconveniences and more about the terrible combination of control and emotional abuse. Though she seems to possess none of her own, she's using your empathy against you.

I'd be concerned with allowing your child to grow up in that atmosphere.

It may not get worse, but it certainly will not get better.